View from the Kitchen – Strategies for When You’re Losing

For most of us, pickleball is a fun, relaxing way to get some exercise and socialize with friends. But let’s face it, we still want to win – something I have experienced almost three times in the past six months of playing.

People often ask me, “Tim, why is it that you’re so bad at this game?” Fair question. Personally, I blame my father. He never played a single game of pickleball with me when I was growing up – mainly because the sport was unheard of back in my hometown, Albany, New York in the 1960s. But that’s totally my father’s fault.

What I may lack in athletic talent, speed, endurance, power, accuracy, and attention span, I more than make up in penmanship. (Okay, you got me. Actually, my penmanship sucks, too.) Now you may be asking, “Tim, what does all of this have to do with Strategies for When You’re Losing?” Again, fair question. I just needed to add some fluff copy to reach my required word count. My newsletter editor is such a hardass.

If you’re a competitive person, you don’t like to lose at pickleball any more than I do. I’ve just learned to accept it better than you have. People ask me all the time, “Tim, what can I do if I find that my partner and I are falling behind in the game?”

I can think of several options, all of which I have used with varying degrees of success. First, I would put down the beer can. It really isn’t helping with your backswing. Also, you can work on better ball placement, perhaps doing a few lobs to get your opponents away from the net. Maybe even work on putting more spin on your shots.

But, if you ask me, all of that sounds like way too much work. Personally, I recommend cheating. The first way is to simply misstate the score as you’re about to serve – repeatedly giving yourself two to three more points than you’ve earned. A word of caution: This techniques is most effectively applied against opponents who are extremely unassertive or easily manipulated.

If you’re down by more than five points, then any time your opponent hits a deep return landing just inside the baseline, be sure to call it OUT. State this LOUDLY and UNEQUIVOCABLY. If they dispute it, gently remind them you’re closer to the ball, and it’s your call to make, not theirs. If they still dispute your call, calmly ask them what else in their life are they in denial about?

If you’re about to lose, and you know you can’t possibly make a comeback, a somewhat daring ploy is to ask for a brief timeout to use the restroom. Then walk off the court… and never come back. Admittedly, you’ll never WIN using this rather desperate approach. But technically, you won’t lose either, since the score when you left was only 10 to 2.

Finally, if all your cheating falls short and you still lose, make sure you have one or more prepared excuses ready to explain the beatdown. If you’re right-handed, consider casually letting it slip that you’re a leftie, and you just wanted to try playing right-handed for once.

Another helpful technique I use all the time is claiming that an old injury acted up again. I like to quietly mention my Vietnam War shrapnel injury. I always receive tons of sympathy – just so long as they’re not good at math and won’t figure out I was actually in elementary school during that war.

– Tim Jones [Check out more of Tim’s View from the Bleachers humor column in the Crab Cracker, at www.ViewFromTheBleachers.net and his YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/viewfromthebleachers]